Cards (A Valentine's Day Fic)
by BellatrixLestrangey
Summary: AU where all the characters are alive. And pretty much all of them are included. What happens when Cora puts herself in charge of shipping and sending out as well as writhing the Valentine's cards.


Blue had only realized the error of her ways...the mistake she had made, after the deed was done. It was quite a terrible thing, she honestly couldn't remember a time when she screwed up more than she just had. But by all means it was far to late to undo the damage that she had allowed to come forth.

Cora had already made out and sent the Valentine's Day cards.

And by all means, Blue was the one who gave her permission to do so. Blue's intention's were pure...innocent. She had simply wanted to keep the batty woman busy. But right when Blue saw a card reading; _Dear Granny, you still got it ;) Over thirty, yet still flirty ~ Your's truly and forever, Greg Mendell._she knew been so very wrong.

She should have known that Cora would find a way to mess up even the simplest task. Valentine's day was definitely ruined now.

Goodness the woman had come up with the oddest of pairings-how the hell did she even come up with Belle and Charming the two barely spoke. Yet she had written a cheesy card for them as well; _Hey David, why don't you show me how Charming you really are! *Winks* get it, Charming?! Love Belle._

And Robin Hood and Pongo? Blue didn't even going to look at that card. In fact she had cast it aside and picked up the next one; _Hey Rocinante I'm gonna ride you today...I hope Regina doesn't catch us. ~Daniel, the stable boy who isn't going to marry Cora's daughter and will stick to dating horses._ Blue should have just read the Pongo one.

On the bright side, Blue had managed to stop a few of these wretched cards from being delivered. Like the one paring up Whale and Smee and the one pairing Felix and Gretel. And even one shipping Ariel and Ruby (the fish on wolf joke was quite absurd-thank goodness she stopped that one). She also saved Archie the trouble of receiving a card from a Graham impostor reading; _So Valentine, let's forget about those laws against doctor-patient relationships, just for today._

Mulan and Tamara seemed to have the best of the cards; at least those were just the silly store bought kiddy cards. But poor Neal was on his own. And good lord, Cora must really hate him as she had jabbed a hole into an apple, put a note inside, and had it delivered to his doorstep. The woman had just paired that man with Regina's apples!

They were all going to kick Blue's...well Blue had seen enough vulgar language in the Ariel/Ruby card so she didn't even finish _that_ sentence.

And a ways away, Cora sat aboard Hook's ship cackling madly to herself. _Ahoy Gold! the treasure map lead me to ye booty! Your sexy mustache'd mate, Hook._ That was simply brilliant.

She wiped a joyous tear from her eye. Truly this would be the best Valentine's day ever. She was a genius. Her use of the audio-playing Christmas card was stupendous. She had chosen to send a card caroling 'last Christmas I gave you my heart' to Pan, courtesy of Henry.

And Emma was going to flip out when she saw a ring on her car's antenna and a note in the windshield saying; _first you stole me from Neal now you've stolen my heart. Drive away with me into the sunset. ~Love Jeff, your yellow death trap on wheels that is trying way to hard to be sexy!_

And her daughter...well her daughter was going to pay for making her sit in that scary and strange carriage and listen to that damn magic box call her wicked (which she was certainly not)!

Regina had made herself comfy on her loveseat when the doorbell rang. With much reluctance she opened the door. As it would turn out there was a large package placed in front of her door.

Hastily she yanked the card off and tore the envelop open. _Okay, I'm coming clean, I had to tattle on you and Dan! How else was I supposed to ensure that you were single as a pringle so I could have you all to myself. And OMG when you were waving that apple in my face you don't know how much I was dying to taste your forbidden fruit. WHY DID YOU LET EMMA TASTE __**OUR**__ FORBIDDEN FRUIT!? Love u bby. Love u lots. ~Hugs and Kisses, Snow White._

Regina felt her cheeks go involuntarily hot. What the hell was Snow thinking!? With even more hesitation she tugged the ribbon on the package.

Inside was a box of chocolates and a fancy and pricey bouquet of roses. Holding the items was a very displeased looking Snow, whom had lost all vocal ability.

Her mom was gonna get it this time!

Back in her office Blue sat in a corner sulking to herself. How could she let this happen!? It was at that moment. The moment she felt at her lowest, that the door bell the door slid a tiny letter; _Cheer up Blue, I believe in you. It's totally true. I hope you believe in me too! ~Your's truely Tink. P.S can I have my wings back yet?_

Blue slumped over, she got what she deserved.


End file.
